Stress

Research says a little bit of the right kind of stress is a good thing. I'm not so sure.

Stress and anxiety are things I have experienced relatively regularly. From what I now think was anxiety in High School, nausea every single morning for most of Year 11 that the doctor couldn't diagnose, to losing a lot of weight and getting lock jaw for 2 weeks over Christmas in my NQT year, to then losing my voice and getting strange sores on my face in my second year of teaching in Milan, stress has a lot to answer for. Thankfully I am much better at managing it than I was, so I am able to still function pretty well under a lot more stress than ever before, I know my own tell-tale signs of overwhelm and stress so now talk to others and ask for help with decision making.

This evening, for instance, was quite stressful for about an hour and a half.

I had an appointment for my second Covid vaccine this evening at 6.50pm. I'm not a fan of needles so was already feeling anxious about it, not a lot though, just enough to put me on edge. Not wanting to be out so late, as I usually eat my dinner around that time, H suggested I head out a bit earlier so Ibwas waiting for the hailstorm to pass over. When it did, I headed out, only for it to start pouring again in the time it took me to go down the stairs so I stood under an awning to get my thinking cap on: the bus stop was a 6 minute walk and the vaccination centre was another 10 minute walk from the bus stop the other end. I rang H, I couldn't work out what to do.

H agreed a taxi was the best idea but I needed cash so headed to the cash machine opposite the taxi rank. On getting to the machine I tried to put my umbrella down but it got stuck and wasn't closing, it was broken. In the time it took me to get cash and faff with the umbrella, all the taxis were gone. 

Thankfully there is a covered seating area so I sat down to call a taxi. The hold music kept saying it was better to use the app, but as I hardly call taxis I decided to stay on hold. Five minutes later a woman answered so I gave her my location, I was put on hold again but a computerised voice then said no taxis were available and the call cut off.

Right.

At that point the rain subsided so I took a gamble and walked to the bus stop, with my broken umbrella. A nine minute wait for the bus. The bus was all tickety-boo until it parked up at the stop before I wanted to get off. When I asked the driver how I could continue, he said I couldn't as the road ahead was closed so buses weren't going onwards. It would have been at least a fifteen minute walk to my destination with another rain shower on its way.

Typical!

I stayed on the parked bus to ring a taxi again but both numbers I had were engaged. Then I called my colleague who lives in the area and knew I had my appointment today. On the phone with her, although she could have picked me up in 10 mins, as it was already 6.50pm (the time of my appointment) we decided it was best I went home and hoped I would get a rescheduled appointment. So, I got off the parked bus and walked to the one infront. As I approached the doors closed. Thankfully the driver heard me banging on the window and opened it up.

When I sat down, it was then that I realised I had left the umbrella, albeit broken, on the other bus: I was so grateful it stayed dry for the walk home from the bus stop! 

Somehow I managed to keep on keeping on, trying to get where I thought I should be, against the flow of events. I didn't lose my cool, and when I felt the knot in my stomach and my mind blur I just focused on my breath and took the next decision. If I didn't know what the next decision was, I called someone. As a result, once I did get home I was able to focus on getting dinner sorted, without ruminating on the past events as I knew I had done everything I could have done, and people I trusted had helped me too. 

Now I just wait to see if a new appointment is made!