Going home

“You’ll be homesick, desperately homesick, but you’ll never get home again.” Jeremiah 22:27 MSG

When I'm in Italy and I'm preparing myself to go to England, I say "I'm going home.".

When I'm in England and I'm on my way back to Italy, I say "I'm going home.".

The transition from Milan to England always follows the same pattern: first there's the excitement of knowing I'm returning to England for a bit. I plan who I'm going to see, what I'll do and what I'll buy and perhaps eat. Then, the travel time itself comes with apprehension as I have to ensure I'm on time, that I get the connections to go where I'm going, and although I've relaxed somewhat over these last seven years, the tension of travelling can still worry me. After that, once the excitement of seeing familiar places and faces passes a few hours after arrival, I normally start to feel the tug of the 'other'. It curbs my enthusiasm as I miss the faces, places, routine and familiarity of Italy, and now that I'm married, it is harder.

To me, the word 'home' resonates with being settled, but sometimes wanting to be somewhere else. It's a state of living in a fixed point, but always stretching to what's past, with the line between the fixed point and the before, being 'home', the memories. Home is both here and there, today and yesterday, and therefore what will be too. Which, funnily enough, sounds a lot like Hebrews 13:8 in my well-loved New King James Bible: 'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.'

And so although I remain 'homesick, desperately homesick' (Jeremiah 22:27, MSG), I am home when I focus on God as Trinity*: praying to the Father, waiting and looking for Christ, and living in the Spirit.

*God as Trinity is explored by Richard Rohr in a lot of his writings, more recently in a book called The Divine Dance which I recommend to any wanting to explore this concept further.