Monday, November 17

Stuck

Stuck in the mud is still a game my class love to play

My brother came to stay for a few days, three nights in all and it was jolly good to see him.  We ended up following the 'usual' plan of action when someone comes to visit...we saw a castle on a rock (Rocca Calascio), we went to the cloisters on a hill (Abbazia di San Giovanni in Venere) and we ate...we ate a lot...pizza, burgers, arrosticini, ice cream and in the end, no pasta.  However, it was good to see my brother because, well, he's my brother.

I consider myself ridiculously lucky as through the banter and the sarcasm that is exchanged whenever we all get together, my family rocks.  We seem to have a mutual respect for each other, at least I think so anyway.  My parents don't seem to be too distraught that their children have 'flown the nest' as they've managed two motorbike trips in two continents and have recently done up a camper van for shorter getaways over the last few years.  On the other side, as the children, I think we do ok at keeping our parents 'in the loop'.

I've always tried to speak regularly to Grandma over Skype and my Mum is usually the first person to know all my news, and read any essays I've managed to construct!  But on top of that, it's making sure that the time, physical time, we've spent together is just that, time.  Whether it's been a pub lunch on a sunny August afternoon, or a Skype conversation all together, this time is sacred to me.  A point of contact with the people that really do know me the best.

Next August we've already got a family holiday planned, and it will be awesome.  Not awesome in a "wow, have I got so many hilarious stories to tell you" kind of awesome, but awesome in a relaxed, whatever goes, kind of way.  That family holiday has become a milestone for me to gaze towards as I remain stuck...stuck in the mud.

I say I'm stuck because I am, spiritually, in that dark place I think we all have, whoever you are and whatever you believe, our inside, our soul if you like.  The bit where our instincts come from, where our yes/no choices are made, not the rational ones based on fact, but the yes/no decisions that, no matter what you choose, leads to an unknown anyway.  I don't know how I got to where I am, I can't remember most of the reasons I made the choices I did to do what I've done and I'm certainly not able to give you a 5 year plan anymore.  I suppose I'll just find out when I get there.

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